I’m not antidrug - shaming anything doesn’t make people safer - but I do think there comes a point in any activity, whether it be hooking up, going to the gym, using drugs, or working long hours at the office, when you need to take a step back and ask yourself if you are making personal wellness a priority. They are a historic problem for gay men, and as such are something I feel need addressing. I must urge caution if you wish to play with drugs, since they so easily can lead to unhealthy nights and unhealthy practices. For all the frightening nights you have when you’re young and still figuring things out, you will have better nights to come.
All the horniness in the world is not worth risking your safety.įor all the bad hookup stories, there are good ones.
It might seem like a lot of work, but this simple practice will keep you safer than routinely going to private residences of people you don’t know - or inviting them to yours. Meet in public, at a bar, or around people. Don’t meet him in a remote place where no one will hear you if it goes wrong. It was one of my most rattling dates/hookups ever.ĭon’t hook up on the beach at night, walking to a phone light 100 yards away. For me, this was quite hurtful and frightening, particularly since he had gone through an entire (very enjoyable) dinner date before communicating this goal.
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Guys may fetishize anything about you, from your skin color to your body type to your height. The whole evening was a farce he had fetishized my HIV-positive status. This has only happened to me once, in Atlanta. Have a good night.” Then he closed the door in my face. When I told him I was, according to the most recent studies, almost chemically unable to do so, and that I wouldn’t do it to him if I could, he said, “All right, well, I have to go. He wanted me to seroconvert him - infect him with HIV. “Yes, but because I’m on medication and undetectable, my chance of transmitting HIV is basically zero.” In the door, he asked me an unexpected question: “I bet you’re not on meds, right?” Period.Īfter dinner, we headed back to his place. Someone who assumes what your kinks are or does kinky things with you that weren’t communicated beforehand is not safe. If you’re into kink, there are more hookup rules: Never be incapacitated (tied up) by someone you don’t know, and never play with someone you haven’t discussed and negotiated your/his kinks with and talked about your limits and safeword(s) beforehand. Not everyone who’s into gut-punching is a dangerous hookup, but this guy was. I bet I can shove my whole hand inside you.” “Come on, please? I’ll go at your pace, but I really want you to take it. I was on my back with his dick in my mouth and felt a blow to my stomach.
I once met a guy in Los Angeles who didn’t communicate that he was into gut-punching - a popular kink in its own right but not something I get into. Everyone has heard the hookup horror story where he wants to do things that aren’t on your agenda.